jan ‘25 issue

We live in a world where, to a certain extent, everyone is unhappy. He might not be happy about work, she might not be happy about her partner, and someone, somewhere, wishes they would be living a totally different life. It seems normal that all of us are disappointed about certain aspects in our lives, despite having, or thinking we have, everything we need. 

So then, is being unhappy normal in the 21st century? 

‘Having it all’ is different for all of us. It’s a Tiffany necklace for some and a new pair of discounted sneakers for others. It’s never been and it will never be a set of guidelines for all of us. Comparing your own life, needs and desires with someone else’s is the first ingredient in baking the cake of unhappiness. The basic moral problem of young adults in this generation is always, always thinking that someone they know (in some cases -- in others it might be someone that they saw once on a social media post) has more of something than they do. Which automatically means they must be happier. They must ‘have it all’. Does having more in a physical sense genuinely mean also being happier? Or does it mean that they are also just as unhappy? 

The thing is, there is never one answer to all of these questions. But being unhappy, that is a statement. That is a statement that, on many occasions, emanates from one’s smile or way of carrying themselves. But the problem hidden here is not because they don’t have enough money; it’s much deeper than that. It is because they have never asked themselves this question: ‘Am I happy?’, and instead they have just said ‘I am not happy’ and proceeded to do absolutely nothing about it. You might not notice it now, but the way you talk to yourself and the way you phrase certain feelings in your subconscious can ultimately change your opinion on them. So if you are unhappy, you first have to admit it to yourself, by asking your inner persona this simple simple question - “Am I happy? Or did I just get used to being unhappy to the point where everything I feel is no longer classified anywhere on the happiness spectrum -- it’s just neutral. It’s just there. “

The second thing you might do to fix the chronic unhappiness is ask yourself another question, this time aimed specifically at the source of your miseries. It could sound something like “What particular aspect of my life is making me miserable all the time?”. Now, the question part - simple. The answer - not so much. Because sometimes, we might get used to certain things in our life which have a negative influence on ourselves, but their presence has become something we associate with ‘normal’ and a sense of usualness. You might despise your job but still go and do it everyday, just because it’s your job and you are not willing to change anything about that fact. Or, you might see your relationship falling apart completely, but still - you love your partner, so you won’t do anything there. Is it normal or is it becoming a habit? 

Unfortunately, I have racked my brain trying to find an answer to this question. The simple truth is realistically, there is no specific answer, no cure to this long-lasting disease. The remedy is inside us, and fixing that part will fix everything that we think is wrong on the outside. Now, to find which part of our lives makes us especially lose hope more and more each day, we have to look inside our soul. Because things are not as easy as they appear. This involves extensive knowledge of one’s own self, which can be ascertained through connecting more with ourselves. I could go and talk about this specific thing for hours, but that’s for another article. Focusing on the question at hand, I have one more idea to give you. 

Happiness. A word that we use sometimes without knowing what it really means. Because… What does happiness mean? A new pair of Jimmy Choo’s? Getting into your dream university? Being in a relationship? NO. 

Happiness is defined solely by who a person is, and what they feel like on the inside. Not money, not stuff, not people. you. In the end, who we are defines who we are. 

If only it were as simple as that. Knowing what we should look for so we can go on and look for it - no, it’s not that easy. Partly because what I think makes me happy would make my friend miserable. And also, why should I be interested in what makes anyone happy as long as I am happy with myself? 

A lot of happiness - in theory. But let’s focus on the second question. Why are we chasing unrealistic, improbable standards not only in finding happiness, but in everything we do? Getting into this also leads to me writing more than a couple pages, so that is for another article - in happiness particularly, it is imperative that you forget what anyone else wants and focus only on what you want. 

If you are anything like this writer, chasing happiness has probably been your goal your entire life. You chase getting into your dream university, belonging to a certain friend group, or buying a new bag. But one day you will realize that you are not getting anywhere, you are just chasing. Even if you are going to your dream university now or you have bought a new bag, that hole in your heart is still there - and it’s not going away. Well, that’s because you set unrealistic expectations and standards for yourself, and when you achieve them, instead of simply taking a step back and admiring your potential, you push yourself even harder and set the bar even higher. That’s the hardest part in most of our journeys to finding our inner happiness and, as a result, its exterior counterpart. 

So next time you do something, take a deep breath. And imagine you are looking at yourself from a younger you’s perspective. Think, how proud would they be of everything you have achieved? Of reaching this far, overcoming all of your fears and being brave enough to not step back when things got rough. Yes, you did that. 

thank you for reading!